Mapping Midlife

Life Adventures

Mapping Midlife header image 1

Caregivers and the Invisible Shrinking Woman

April 25th, 2010 · Caregiving, Choices, Memories

I am leaving in a while to help bury a friend. It will be an opportunity to – finally – care for a woman who spent most of her life caring for others. All of us who will gather at the graveside have stories of Judy taking care of us. And all of us wish she had let us take better care of her.

Judy always found time to help out. She raised two daughters, one with multiple challenges, cared for her grandson and helped her friends and neighbors while caring for her increasingly difficult-to-manage blind and deaf mother.

Judy was the consummate caregiver. Once, a neighbor asked her to feed her cat for a couple of days. The cat owner disappeared for about a month and Judy never complained about buying premium food for this pampered pet or having no idea when the owner might return.

Judy would watch your children, accept your packages, check your mail, loan you anything she possessed. She let me borrow her computer so I could take files off of mine when the monitor failed.

Judy fed my cat whenever I was out of town. Although she was allergic and asthmatic, she sat with him, talked to him, petted him so he wouldn’t feel lonely. She medicated him when he was ill and monitored his intake and output better than I did.

Finally, it seemed that all this caregiving took a toll. Always a depressive, Judy became more withdrawn. She stopped wanting to get out of bed in the morning. She stopped eating. She had always been all but invisible outside of the world of those she helped. Now, she was shrinking away.

We won’t know for weeks – maybe months – the medical reasons for Judy’s death. We all have our private theories. It felt like she was just used up.

So, this is a cautionary tale. If you are a caregiver, create a small circle of people who will care for you – AND LET THEM! Sometimes givers do not know how to accept. They don’t recognize that accepting is also a great gift. If you are a caregiver, remember that it’s OK for you to ask. People are eager to answer with whatever you need. Let those you give to help you grow and flourish.

If you know a caregiver, thank them today. Thank them every day. Help them care for themselves. Do it now, before they shrink out of sight.

We will lovingly tuck Judy into her final resting place in a few hours, doing what we still can do, wishing we had done more. We will try to honor her memory by being a little more giving. And it will take a long time to heal the holes in our hearts.

→ 1 CommentTags:····

Shadowland or Comfort Zone?

April 3rd, 2010 · Choices

No – they’re not the same place. Where are you living? Where do you want to be?

No one will notice you if you live in the shadows. You’ll never have to try very hard since little or nothing will be expected of you. It’s quiet. You feel safe there.

Safe – but not comfortable. Trying to remain invisible takes a lot more work than you might think. You have to keep looking over your shoulder. Someone might see you! You could be noticed!

The Comfort Zone – now that’s a different place. This is where you function best, where you are happiest. In the zone. Living your greatness. We have many names for this space. You can expand your comfort zone – and you can do that in a way that is not painful.

Feel the pain and push beyond it? Feel the fear and do it anyhow? Maybe not. Expand your comfort zone to accommodate all that you are and all that you want to be.

→ No CommentsTags:·

You’re a Bus – Shut Up!

March 31st, 2010 · Sanity, change

Ah, a peaceful bus ride. An opportunity to stare out the window, observe people on the street, see how neighborhoods are changing. Perhaps time enough for some quiet meditation – or even a nap.

Wait – what’s that? A deep male voice intones, “Please exit through the rear door.” Passenger moves to rear door – “Please step away from the door.” Hmmm….

Quiet again. Slip into oblivion. “The fare on local buses is $2.25. The fare on express buses is $5.50.” an unsolicited female voice tells me. OK. “Avenue U,” a male voice chimes in. “Please exit through the rear door. Please step away from the door.”

“It is a felony to attack a bus operator,” the female informs me. Wasn’t planning mayhem.

“East 15th Street,” the male informs me. “Please exit through the rear door. Please step away from the door.”

“The time is now 11:53. Have a nice day,” the dispatcher’s voice intones over the intercom.

“Your are riding a new hybrid electric bus,” female chimes in.

From the male: “West 3rd Street. Please exit through the rear door. Please step away from the door.”

From the driver, “Please step to the rear of the bus.”

Our female friend, “Use MetroCards to speed your ride.”

“It is a felony to attack a bus operator,” the female informs me. Wasn’t planning mayhem before. May reconsider.

There are four different sources of information on this bus – the driver, some central dispatcher, on-board announcements and disembodied system announcements. Announcements come fast and furious – no more than two minutes apart. Do I need all this information?

Peaceful bus rides – at least here in New York City – no longer exist. My nerves are jangled. Is this some subliminal campaign to get me to walk more? I think I’ll start right now. “Please exit through the rear door.”

You’re a bus – now shut up!

→ No CommentsTags:·

Out of the Shadows

January 11th, 2010 · Choices, Self-image, change

In the shadows has been a safe place to be for a long, long time. I was in second grade. My reading group, the Cardinals (best group), stood up to read. I was immersed in the story and by now was several pages ahead of the group, so, of course, I was not on the right page. For this transgression of being a good reader and going too fast, I was banished to the Starlings (slowest group).

Lesson: it’s not good to be too smart or too fast or too different. It’s safer in the shadows where no one notices you. You won’t get punished there.

But living in the shadows has it’s price. There are secrets in the shadows, and a single ray of sunlight can expose them. You can spend your whole life covering things over and pushing things back and hoping that no one will discover who you really are. Because that would be scary. And nasty. And no one would love you any more. So you stretch your neck out every so often, and then pull it back quickly. You create opportunities and sabotage them. You don’t believe the good things people tell you because, after all, they don’t really know you. What if they knew? So, no one else punishes you. Instead, you punish yourself.

A few moths ago, I was invited to met a friend in Bucks County, where she was visiting her brother and sister-in-law. I hadn’t seen my friend in over a year and I missed her. I love her family, and knew I’d enjoy their company. I wasn’t going to go. I was feeling like a fraud and a failure. My business was comatose. No clients. Contracts falling through right and left. I was broke. My friend’s sister-in-law got on the phone and told me to go pack and get on the train. If I could manage the fare, they’d take care of everything else. And they did. And I wasn’t allowed to feel embarrassed. And I had a wonderful time. No one cared.

Lesson: You miss a lot in the shadows. It may be safe, but you won’t get rewarded there, and you’ll miss a lot of fun!

Where will you choose to live?

→ 1 CommentTags:··

Sick – I Hab a Code id by Head

January 8th, 2010 · Choices, Presence, Sanity

In English? I have a cold in my head.

I have a very peculiar and lingering head cold. My voice has been gone for more than a week, and it seems to have taken my hearing with it. My eyes are runny and I’m not seeing all that well.

It’s a bit like living in a cocoon. Everything is fuzzy and distant. The strange side effect of being sort of stuck in my head is that it’s getting me out of my head. When you feel like this, there’s not much left to do but to simply BE. No meetings, no writing, no listening to motivation, inspirational, or any other kind of tapes. Just being.

So, my tea and I are off to relax. It’s cold and snowy outside. I’ll be huddled up in a quilt taking very good care of myself. And, in the end, that’s a pretty good place to be.

→ No CommentsTags:·

Three Questions

December 2nd, 2009 · Choices, Self-image, Values

Every so often – maybe even every day – it’s worthwhile to ask yourself questions. OK, I ask myself questions all the time, you’re probably saying. Some are small, everyday questions. What do I want for dinner? Will it rain? Some are larger. What’s my next career move? Am I happy?

What are the questions that matter? Some questions will serve as an internal guidance system. What am I feeling? What do I want in my life? How will I create that?

Some questions create structure. What are the boundaries that matter? How can I develop a work plan? How will I know when I’ve reached my goals?

At a recent conference, Suzy Welch, author of 10-10-10, shared three questions she asks herself on a regular basis:

1. What would make me cry from regret on my 70th birthday?
2. What do I want people to say about me when I’m not in the room?
3. What do I love or not love about my upbringing?

I love these questions. They help me explore my values. What are your answers?

→ 3 CommentsTags:··

My Surroundings, My Life

September 18th, 2009 · Choices, midlife

Although geography isn’t a cure, surroundings can have a profound effect on us. They can be transformative. Watching these women and their dogs on the beach created an oasis of calm and joy in the middle of a conference.

What works for you? What surroundings will you need to support your life choices? I’ve been spending more time traveling this year and find that I’m increasingly drawn to quieter places than my New York City home. On the other hand, a friend exchanged her peaceful suburban life for mid-town Manhattan when she retired. While I find that, after 40+ years, I’d like a break from the hustle and bustle, she’s found all this activity energizing.

Autumn in the country makes me happy. Sunsets, fireflies, shooting stars, snowdrifts are all sources of inspiration. I’d rather listen to the birds in the morning than most concerts. Peace is becoming more of a priority for me.

What do you need? As I get ready to relocate for the next phase of my life, I’m making lists of what I want, what I need and what I can’t live with. And I’m testing out a variety of locations. Do you want to be in one place, or like me, will you want to be in multiple locations? Will you buy, rent, or visit? How much space do you need? Ciji Ware writes about Rightsizing Your Life.

These are questions to revisit every decade or so. You may always come to the same conclusions – or you may want different surroundings at different points in your life. Who – and what – will you want to be near? Family? Friends? Good medical care? Theater? Museums? Movies? Your answers may change. When they do, perhaps geography is a cure after all.

→ No CommentsTags:

The Magic of Friendship

September 14th, 2009 · Choices, friendships

Lucy and Ethel; Rachel, Monica and Phoebe; Betty and Wilma. What do they all have in common? They were – are – lifelong friends. Somewhere out there almost any day you can find a rerun of these great friends supporting each other, sometimes annoying each other, but always there in the end. Over the course of our lives, our friendships with other women become increasingly important. Illness, divorce, the empty nest, our parents’ deaths, loss of a spouse or other significant relationships are inevitable as we age. “It is our friends who keep us anchored and grounded amid the sea of changes within us and around us,” says Patricia Gottlieb Shapiro in her book Heart to Heart: Deepening Women’s Friendships at Midlife (Berkley Publishing Group, 2001).

Unfortunately, for many of us, our friendships get put low on our list of priorities, robbing us of a significant buffer against sorrow and stress. Our need for a support network never changes. Research tells us that maintaining strong connections with others, whether family or friends, is highly correlated to longevity. Who is in your network? How often do you review your support system?

Here are a few questions and a simple model:

Basic Questions

1. How often do I communicate with this person?
2. What common interests do we share?
3. Is this relationship focused in the present or only in the past?
4. Is this person in my inner circle or farther out?

None of these questions automatically rule anyone out of your circle, but they may place constraints on the friendship that will become clear as you set up your support network.

Support Network

Your support network is your inner circle. This is a group of four to eight people you know you can count on. In a good network, you don’t count on the same person for everything. Try to think of two names to put in each of the four categories.

1. Cheerleaders
These people give you unconditional positive support for even your smallest achievement. You can count on them to break out the champagne – real or virtual – to celebrate every good thing in your life. Call on them when you need a boost to celebrate even the tiniest baby step.

2. Comforters
These people are naturally soothing. The will listen to endless renditions of your tale of woe and be as sympathetic on the 40th telling as on the first. They show up with tissues and chocolate. Nothing is ever your fault in their minds.

3. Clarifiers
When you’re ready to plan, these are the people you need. They will break every idea down into the tiniest steps, help you set goals, identify plans to overcome obstacles, and leave you with a great plan and several back-ups. They help you make your every dream crystal clear.

4. Confronters
These are the folks who keep you honest and on track. They hold you to your announced plan. And they won’t entertain any excuses. Need a good, solid boot firmly placed behind you? Call a confronter!

This is the inner circle. It can shift over time. You may be lucky enough to have at least two names in each category. Some of these friends may drift into the outer circle for a time; others may replace them. Review this list twice a year – and see who you serve in these ways

Everyone Else
Some of us prefer a large circle of friends; some a small cluster. It doesn’t matter. What special gifts does each of your friends bring? What do you bring to them? Take a moment to express gratitude for each of your friends. Cherish them all.

→ No CommentsTags:

Rediscovering Resources

September 10th, 2009 · midlife

This is what I love about good ideas – if you didn’t quite get them the first time around, they often keep circling back. The same is true of great resources. If you’re like me, you have a long, long, long list of bookmarked sites on your computer – and you use about five of those links.

It’s Autumn – time for rummaging and rediscovering. Are you starting to pull out your fall/winter wardrobe? Are you finding a few wonderful surprises in the process? I didn’t even remember that I owned a couple of great dresses. Are you taking advantage of this great walking weather and rediscovering beautiful places you’d forgotten? I hadn’t remembered how peaceful it is to sit on a rock in Central Park.

Next time you want a quick adventure – maybe a rainy day, maybe just a little spare time – rediscover the resources in your own computer. Go to your bookmark bar and start rummaging.

I had forgotten some great sites. Some are funny, some are great recipe resources, some are beautifully written blogs. One that I can’t believe I had forgotten is the National Association of Baby Boomer Women and its sister site, BoomerWomenSpeak. NABBW has something for everyone – there’s even a section on male menopause. There’s advice, articles from members, book reviews, and all kinds of resources. Dotsie Bregel and her crew host teleclasses, send out a newsletter, and provide ways for women to connect.

Go visit!

→ No CommentsTags:

Oy Veh! It Hurts!

September 6th, 2009 · Choices, Self-image, change, midlife

Things hurt this morning. I decided that I really needed to do something good for myself and get out there and walk. And things hurt this morning. Many things. There’s a cramp in my left calf that keeps coming back and is tender in between cramps. My back is not happy. My left shoulder and arm turned against me weeks ago and they don’t seem interested in reversing the position that every wrong move of my arm and/or too much time at the computer shall equal pain. Yes, things hurt.

So, today I’ll get back out there and walk some more, on the theory that I can walk out this pain. Maybe I’ll just have more pain – who knows? All I know is that I’m not giving up. I want to feel better – and if feeling worse for a while is the way to get there, I guess I’ll just do it.

I know that in a few days I’ll see different (lower) numbers on the scale, the blood pressure meter and the blood sugar level – three sets of numbers that are getting to be common among us “upper midlife” folks. I’ll be able to measure these changes and rejoice in the results. I’ll be able to walk faster and farther. My clothes will fit better. I’ll be stronger.

For now, though – please pass the Advil!

→ No CommentsTags:···